Healing, Growth, and Transformation
I’m Glad Some Christians Are Finally Ready to Move Away From Toxic Positivity & Face Reality
Christians suffer mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse just like any other person
Christians are not immune to abuse.
So let’s get used to talking about it and stop pretending we are so holy that we do not suffer like unbelievers.
Christians are probably more prone to abuse due to false teachings and the image we think we are meant to uphold.
Jesus tells the truth, so why don’t we?
Over twenty years ago I was emotionally abused by a man who used every manipulative tactic he could think of to take advantage of me.
The Holy Spirit led me to look at this situation now as I am in an emotionally strong place in my life.
I must admit, it was hard to look at it. It was hard because there was a false feeling of shame for having let such a thing happen even though I didn’t know what was happening as I was deceived.
At the time I did not know about narcissistic abuse. I didn’t know people could be so evil. I knew about bullies, but I did not know how insidious this kind of behaviour was and how damaging it could be.
This man was so dark it shocked me.
The reason it shocked me is because he presented himself in the nicest way possible. He didn’t just fool me but most of my family and friends too..
This is how he showed up in my life:
- He was well-dressed and clean-shaven
- He was young and so looked innocent
- He was educated
- He was softly spoken
- He was a high achiever
- He was good at sports
- He was musical
- He was sociable
- He had a good job
- He seemed perfect
He had an agenda, but I had no idea what it was.
Upon reflection and study of these wicked, deceitful, rebellious individuals who do not fear God, I learned more about their games.
These were some of the things he did to deceive me..
- He was extremely attentive, especially in the beginning (love bombing).
- He was intense like I was the only person in his life.
- He gave me lots of gifts!!
- He called and texted regularly.
- He was pushy, never taking no for an answer.
- He would do anything for me. He even said, “Tell me what to do and I will do it.”
- The gifts he gave were to suggest he was pursuing me for marriage, but I never really found out what he was after.
- He talked about me wanting children when I said nothing about wanting kids.
- He said things that he thought I wanted to hear although he often got it wrong as he didn’t know me well enough.
- He would undermine me in subtle ways as a way to erode my confidence.
How I felt..-
- I felt confused
- I felt pressured
- I felt harassed
- I felt isolated
- I felt alone
- I felt depressed
So what was he doing?
I will never know for sure as I got away from him, but below are some of the things he may have been after..
- Sex
- A wife and children for his image
- Money
- Influence
- Reputation (being married..etc).
- Status
- Contacts
- Emotional support
- Positive energy
- Praise and adoration
All these things are known as narcissistic supply. People like this are empty, so they will take anything they can get from you in an underhand deceitful way but not reciprocate.
I was one of the lucky ones because I got away, but still, I suffered because he put a lot of pressure on me which led to depression, and even when I got depressed he would not go away.
The reason we get depressed is because of the intense pressure of the love bombing which overwhelms us.
It was so hard to get rid of him, but thankfully by the grace of God, he finally gave up and left, but not without punishing me in a cold, harsh way.
So please, dear sisters and brothers, if you have suffered or are still suffering at the hands of these abusive people, get help.
Talk to someone and share your experiences. I will be writing more about how I recovered from this abuse and how you can too.
I will be sharing coaching tips on how to recognize these people and then what you can do to either avoid getting into a relationship with them or get away from or deal with the ones already in your life.
Below are some other articles I have written on this topic.
