Stop Chasing People Who Don’t Value You
Respect yourself and spend time with the right kind of people who like you for who you are
Today, I’ve been doing some digital decluttering. I put it off for a while, but as one of my e-mail accounts got hacked, I thought I’d use this opportunity to change passwords and tidy up my digital world.
As with all decluttering, you never know how much junk there is until you start the process. A lot has to go. Delete, unsubscribe, organize, file, and consider.
What is beneficial? What do I need to keep that will add value and joy to my life?
I started decluttering properly about six years ago. I went through everything — clothes, furniture, books, CDs (yes, I’m that age!), and general knick-knacks.
When you start any decluttering process, you inevitably shake off the cobwebs of your emotional life too.
It’s true, you know — the mess on your laptop, in your kitchen, bedroom, or garden shed is a good indicator of the condition of your inner life.
Sometimes we need to declutter our emotional life too. I recently did some decluttering in my relationships.
Those relationships no longer served me and I no longer served them. The season had ended.
I noticed I didn’t feel valued, but I had in the past, so something had changed.
This is the challenge in maintaining good relationships — talking about the difficult parts, such as when we don’t feel valued or respected.
Anyone who reads my articles will see that I have made huge changes in my life and one of the most painful parts of those changes was seeing people disappear when I asked for something in the relationship.
The majority of my relationships were one-sided and I only had myself to blame. As one friend used to say to me— ‘you get what you tolerate.’ It’s true, and so when I had my awakening, I started to look for equality in my relationships.
I think it’s sad when friendships end, but I also know human nature, so I let go, with love, and leave the door open in case things change.
Those friendships are only one part of the story though. Other people may not value us either.
They appear sincere, but beneath they have nothing to give. When people only half-heartedly give to you and you are all in, you need to guard your heart.
You need to remind yourself not to chase these people, as some dysfunctional people will play this game to get you to do all the work in the relationship.
I don’t spend time with people like that anymore. I will be polite, but I know when it’s time to keep a distance, and I hope you do too.
Here are some things you can do if you have people like that in your life..
Don’t waste your time chasing people who don’t value you
If someone does not value you, then you are doing the loving thing by not allowing them to treat you that way.
If people choose not to value me, they are free to do that. But after a while, I observe their behavior, and if it continues, I just walk away.
These people are dangerous. They either do it unconsciously because they don’t know how to treat others, or they are fully aware and do it to feel superior.
Don’t feel sorry for insecure people
Insecure people have a game they play which is to ignore you or dismiss you, in an attempt to make you feel small. It’s truly a sick mind that does this, but unfortunately, there are a lot of people like that today.
I have no time for it at all. You can’t have a relationship with them as they are deeply insecure and will always cause confusion. They are not well.
However, if you were a person who was lacking confidence, you may not know how to deal with such people.
Let me show you what to do. The first step is to know their tricks.
People who do not value you might:
- Ignore you
- Dismiss you
- Undermine or belittle you
- Not return your messages timely, if at all
- Cancel appointments regularly
- Be late all the time
- Talk about themselves and rarely ask you about your life
- Show little interest in your passions or pursuits
- Only do things they like
- Have an agenda
- Only find you valuable when there’s a benefit
If they see no value in you, why then waste your time and energy on them?
I know we can sometimes feel sorry for them and make excuses for their behavior, but in my experience, it’s better to deal with it quickly, for if they think they can get away with it, they will carry on with their games.
It is a game because it’s deceptive. Sadly, people like this probably got away with acting that way for a long time, so that’s why they still do it.
It boosts their fragile ego.
When you know your worth, you expect to be treated with value.
If you respect others, shouldn’t you receive the same?
Don’t worry if people don’t like you
To be free and happy we must get to a point where we are okay with people not liking us. When I was younger, being liked was important to me, and I did all I could to be liked.
I wasn’t consciously aware of it at the time, but I was a people pleaser. I didn’t like people not liking me.
Today, I don’t care. Naturally, it would be better if they liked me, but it’s also okay if they don’t.
I give them the freedom to choose. I just don’t hang out with them. I prefer to be with people who appreciate me.
I try to be kind to everyone and if I feel I don’t like someone, I reflect on it and ask myself why I feel that way.
We don’t have to take things personally. Maybe they don’t like us because of a personality clash or the way we speak or act.
Or maybe they are jealous of us. It’s not for us to know these things. They may just be very unhappy with themselves, and if you look happy, it irritates them.
Next time you’re around someone you feel dislikes you, don’t try to change it. Just allow them the freedom not to like you, but feel confident in yourself.
You’ll see how nice it is because it’s not your problem what they think of you.
Of course, if you’ve done something to offend them, do what you can to put it right, but I’m really talking about people who dislike you for no apparent reason.
Don’t worry about what others think of you, just worry about what God thinks of you.
“The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe.”
Keep your peace
Keep your peace by learning to value yourself enough to say no to unacceptable behavior. It takes courage to say no, but don’t worry, it gets easier with practice.
Let go of people who don’t value you
Just decide to let them go. If you want to work on the relationship, that’s your choice, but if this is how they are regularly, you’d have to ask yourself, ‘Why am I tolerating this?’
Some people tolerate it because they may not have many friends and they don’t want to be alone, but that’s not a good reason to stay in a relationship where you’re not valued.
Learn to like yourself. When you know you are loved by God and happy in your own company, you will attract better people into your life at the right time. Just be patient.
