What Love Bombing Is and Why Narcissists Use This Tactic at The Beginning of a Romantic Relationship
“A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit.” — Proverbs 26:24
“The term “love bombing” refers to a pattern of overly affectionate behavior that typically occurs at the beginning of a relationship, often a romantic one, in which one party “bombs” the other with over-the-top displays of adoration and attention. This behavior can include showering the other person with gifts and/or compliments, declaring love early on, and/or taking steps to remain in constant contact and spend increasing amounts of time together.”
I have shared in many articles and podcasts recently about my experience with a toxic boyfriend in my 20s over twenty years ago.
Back then, we did not have all this access to information about abusive people, so I only had my gut feelings to go on.
I got away from him after a painful confusing so-called “relationship.”
I was not in a good space when he entered my life. He was very persistent and persuasive and would not take no for an answer — ever.
He disguised his bully tactics as having a deep desire to be with me. I wasn’t keen on having a relationship with him which only made him more eager to get me.
Little did I know then, that narcissists (like him) do not take too kindly to rejection.
In fact, they get angry, hold a grudge, and wait for an opportune time to punish you.
I did not fully process the pain of that horribly abusive relationship because I didn’t know where to start.
Everyone thought he was wonderful and that I was being too fussy.
No one would listen to me and he kept on calling and calling. I couldn’t get rid of him.
The more I tried to pull back, thinking the relationship would naturally fizzle out, the more annoyed he was getting (only I didn’t know that at the time).
So to win me over he love-bombed me very early on in the relationship.
“Love bombing is considered a deliberate and manipulative tactic that is deployed in order to gain the upper hand over a new partner and increase his or her dependence on the bomber. Because of this, it is often attributed to individuals who are high in narcissism or other antisocial traits or those who engage in domestic violence; it has also been frequently used in reference to cults.”
He showered me with gifts, called me nonstop, gave compliments, and said things like, “You give my life meaning”, or “You are my destiny.” All this was at the early stage when I didn’t even know him. I had never seen this kind of behavior before. I was confused.
It was such a fake relationship because he would give, but I could not give. He was the controller. In some ways, I used to wonder who was he having a relationship with. It seemed like he was the only one in the relationship.
He had no personality. There seemed to be nothing he liked to talk about, yet he would do all the flattery and love bombing when it was clear that we didn’t have anything in common. I was always waiting for him to appear.. the real person, but sadly there was no real person.
All there was was the illusion of a relationship. He was an empty shell.
The only emotions I discovered in him in the end were anger and envy.
Dangers of Love Bombing and Flattery
1. Manipulation:
Flattery and love bombing can lower a person’s guard, sway them into thinking positively of the flatterer, and lead to unhealthy power dynamics.
2. Insincerity:
These behaviors signal insincerity with admiration or love not rooted in genuine feelings but in an agenda to influence.
3. Dependency:
Love bombing creates an unhealthy dependency with the recipient becoming reliant on the flatterer’s approval and affection.
4. Emotional Volatility:
Those who employ flattery and love bombing may react negatively when their expectations are not met, potentially leading to hostility or further manipulation.
Most narcissists are very angry people. Some hide it better than others, but at the heart of every true narcissist is anger or rage.
“A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit.”
— Proverbs 26:24
Please watch out for this manipulative tactic used by toxic people.
It is more common in romantic relationships but it can happen in any relationship where a narcissist (or abusive person) wants to gain power over you for their own selfish purposes.
Below are some of the signs to watch out for:
- bombarding you with many gifts
- giving over-the-top compliments — putting you on a pedestal
- declaring their love or deep desire for you early on in the relationship
- hinting at marriage at the early stage of the relationship
- bombarding you with text messages or phone calls.. to take full position in your life
- ignoring your boundaries
- expecting your devotion
- introducing you to their circle of friends and family early in the relationship
To conclude, these tactics are not new. The Bible warns us of these tricks of deceitful men. So, please be careful who you date.
These people are dangerous!!!
The following two proverbs warn against the use of flattery saying it’s deceitful and potentially harmful.
Proverbs 26:28:
“A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”
Proverbs 29:5:
“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”
This means flattery is like setting a trap, so watch out!
Thank you for reading.
